When LOH applied the BG ITU scholarship for me and I got it I was so happy, finally I could do the sport that I love most. Last year went well, the New Zealand trip didn't end up too good but I learned so much from it. I made many friends and they were mostly World Class triathletes, I didn't really fit into that category. All the races went good, I manage to cross the finish line in 2 World Cup races and 1 World Championship. How great is that just 1 year in the sport!? End of last year I was beginning to feel the exhaustion, I was constantly getting sick and my body was weak. Went for many check ups but found nothing was wrong so went on training. After claiming my 2nd SEA Games tittle I had to have a break, and I did.
My brother ( swimmer ) had qualified for Beijing Olympics, me as a older sister feel the discomfort when we have family dinners when the topic arise. Family members will ask " So Kim how close are you to qualify for Beijing??" Of course I know I'm no where close, often I feel neglected as all the attention goes to my brother. So I made up my mind that I wanted this Olympic spot even though knowing its not my time yet. Living a dream too big for my ability at the moment. Of course Libby has been constantly reminding me that their target for me is 2012 London Olympics.
This trip to Australia has woken me up from my fantasy. I woke up one morning realising that I'm making a big mistake but I try to get that thought out of me and worked very hard to keep up with the others in training. I had a bike crash one day because I was so tired, Jamie was so angry at me he threw my bike one side and was shouting at me. Saying things like I was just plain lazy and couldn't even keep up with kids that were only doing triathlon for 2 months. He never even consider that I came from an off season and straight into training with people who was 12 weeks into their season. I was very upset but I pulled myself together and continued with the ride. Even when I was in pain I had never missed a training session. Jamie aspects me to keep up with Barbara and Alana (runner since age 9) in the runs when they are running so much faster then I could ever run, I try very hard. So a recovery run for them is a hard run for me, everyday is a hard day for me. I know how it feels to come back into the groove after doing no training for 3 weeks so I decided to give myself time. One day I will feel very good and I think that I'm getting strong but the next I'm in a pit, feeling down. I can't go on for 8 weeks like this so I booked my ticket home the next day and surrendered my scholarship.
I was losing the passion I once have for training, and when I don't have that passion I will never be successful. I want to give myself more time and take this one step at a time. We don't become champions in a fort night, nobody does. I'm still going to do TRIATHLON because I love it too much to give it all away. Take this one year to get back the enjoyment in training. And when I'm ready to face the challenging world of triathlon I will let Libby know.
I would like to apologize to BG ITU for letting you all down, I know you have spend so much money on the last year but this is what I feel is best for me right now. My family is supporting me with my decision and I hope my country will too.
8 comments:
Probably I am not representing the whole country but whatever your decision is, I will definitely support it. Maybe every member of my family too! We are all into triathlon and love everything about it. So much so, sports have been associated with winning gold, silver and bronze where champions are not talking to finishers anymore. You changed that, and my whole family loves you because of that. Take your time, probably being a champion is too much pressure on you. Maybe there are some more advise from others. Take care, from Major K and tri family.
As long as you are confident and satisfied with your decision you shall be fine. Plus your family, fellow training friends and people who understand and respect your decision will always give you their support and help you albeit directly or indirectly to become a better triathlete and a better person in life. That is all you need at this moment. Keep believing in yourself because there are plenty of people who believe in you. Good luck and keep up the good work.
My husband allready said most of it. Kim you got to make your own choices. Follow what you feel is best.
Lookin forward to seeing your face at our local races again
You go lots of fans and we believe in you
Thanks so much for all the comments. OF course everyone is different in so many ways, I'm one of the most different triathlete I guess. I'm very honoured that I copuld change peoples view of triathlon in Malaysia and I'm looking forward to contributing more to it. This is the sport I LOVE so much.
hi kim - i plan to be in London for the 2012 Olympics to watch the cycling and triathlon. SEE YOU THERE OK! I will support the GB athletes and you ok?!?!?
are we going to see you at a'famosa?
Hi Kim
It is very-very alien for a lady to join triathlon in this country. They are endangered species indeed. I have Becca in my list, you may know her. I really admire Becca as she sacrifice a lot to achieve her family dream. Her husband, Jeffry is also with me. A lady in a team is just like having a SERI (glow) that make us special. She is our Iron Lady- she will never give up! I give a proud salute to Becca, you and other ladies out there... you can do it!
Hey Champ! If I'd count the ups and downs of my life over the past 15yrs, it'd be more pronounced than the new KL-Putrajaya highway, on a return route! We all have our challenges, facing them head on is the best way forward. Even though some decisions may be tough, talking about it helps. Dissecting the issues layer by layer is a must. Only you know whats best for you, rest assured we're behind you all the way. Sony had an ad campaign once, "Its lonely at the top." As a person who as done so much for the sport, individuals and fans out there, and the country, I can assure you it wont be lonely for you. Reach in deep to the core of why you're here in the first place. Once there, you'll be the first to know how to reach back up onto greater heights. My non athletic 10-yr old daughter may start with some tri outings beside me this year. She'll always have you as her beacon lady :)
Thanks so much for all the encouraging words, its not that I dont want to face this. Sometimes when u know u cant do it and u cant back of for even a day, its just too tiring. I came to a stage that I was always angry at myself when I cant perform according to expectations IN TRAINING. I'm know myself best, I've been in sports for almost my whole life. I'm not the best trainer but when it comes to race I'm a different person. I may not be as tough and gutsy but I certainly bring it to races. I train so much better back home with all the support and help from everyone, when I train well I'm the happiest person in the world and looking forward to the next. When I don train well I ask myself questions and the next workout feels no fun. I'd rather enjoy the sport then hating it.
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